by rich on January 27, 2010
After months of data analysis and jerking it to meaningless stats and workouts, NFL draft guru Mel Kiper has emerged from his cave (see above picture for proof) to prepare for April’s draft. I sent Kiper an email in June inquiring about an interview not realizing that Kiper completely vanishes for half the year. Anyways, he got back to me last week and we were able to schedule an interview. While I can’t share all of the monotonous hour interview with you, here’s a glimpse at what Mel and I talked about.
Rich: Mel, have you had a chance to pay a visit to San Diego recently? I know the Chargers aren’t high up the draft board, but Ryan and I both have some vested interest.
Mel Kiper: San Diego, great city. Great weather year round and a competitor with any city in terms of women. Lots of upside in terms of becoming a major metropolis, but concerns about the mental attitude of the residents. A laid back approach concerns many teams and could mean San Diego falling to the second day.
Rich: Teams? What?
Kiper: I have a step brother who lives there. Mike Andrews, University of San Diego, about 6′3, 220. Great guy. Big, fit, a real grinder. Real physical at the point of attack on handshakes.
Rich: Oh okay, so you were visiting family and not doing some work for ESPN. Got it.
Kiper: Mike had asked me to come help him build a deck for his backyard. A real gritty project. Tough, demanding, and exhausting. Not a lot of upside with the project, what you see is what you’ll get. A good backyard project though, with real value down the road.
Rich: So what’d you guys do, go to Home Depot or something? Or did you just build it with your bare hands?
Kiper: Who am I, Todd McShay? Of course we went to Home Depot. See this hair? There’s a huge brain underneath it. Home Depot, great store. What we call a ‘multi-tool talent’ in the business. Very versatile, able to fill a number of needs on any project. We spoke with a Hispanic standing out front, Miguel. Great lineage, a guy who brings his lunch pail day in and day out. Could use some real work on his English, but great upside in terms of knowledge of the project. Physical tools were off the charts, a real ‘buy low’ type guy. Low risk, but a high ceiling with his talent. A real prototype for this project and a guy I could see vaulting into the first round of some teams boards.
Rich: I thought you were building a deck, not drafting people loitering outside Home Depot.
Kiper: We were. Anyways, after a few days of evaluation and drills, Miguel was able to build the deck. Not top tier material, but a deck that could be with the house for a long long time. Not a superstar type, but one that will bring some real value later into the year. Overall I’d give it a B-. Not especially flashy but consistent. Something you look for in the backyard.
Rich: Something I never thought I’d see. Mel Kiper draft grading….a deck.
by rich on January 25, 2010
I haven’t hid my disdain for that scamming old bastard that plays quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings in the past. Hell, Brett was the inspiration for the first comic that we did on Sportable. And while I’ll admit that he did a pretty decent job of proving my hate wrong over the past few months, in the end, I win. There are a few constants in this world; the sun rising, babies shitting their diapers, and Brett Favre doing something retarded when the game is on the line because he’s the gunslinger and he can make anything happen. Or not.
Last night’s epic across the body across the field throw by Favre that was intercepted was eight shades of fantastic. It illustrated and embodied everything that people can know to love and hate about the gunslinger. The ego, the everyman attitude, the backyard gunslinger mindset, and the constant desire to try to make the impossible happen and inevitably cost his team the game. And after a season of watching that ballsmoker have unreasonable amounts of success, everything crippling about him caught up to him. Tuck it and run for a few yards? Screw that, lets make something happen. And it did, right into Tracy Porters hands. Instead of a surefire opportunity at a game winning field goal, Favre and the Vikings wouldn’t touch the ball again and the Saints would go on to win.
The Vikings got what they had coming; hiring a mercenary and bowing down to his every request was going to be their inevitable demise. Favre isn’t just like one of the guys like his deceiving Wrangler jeans image would suggest. He’s a man with no loyalties, a man who can’t make a commitment to soup or salad, let alone a football team. He’s a hired gun and a mere silhouette of what was once a pretty damn good and likable quarterback. And while you can point to the fumbles or the defense not stepping up when it mattered, it was Favre who cost his team that game. That’s just what the ole’ gunslinger is all about. Go to Hattesberg and please don’t surface again for a few years, you old bastard.
by ryan on January 18, 2010
There haven’t been a lot of surprises during this year’s NFL Playoffs. But boy, did we have one last night! Spurred on by outspoken head coach Rex Ryan, the New York Jets MANHANDLED the heavily favored Chargers to advance to the AFC Championship Game. How did they do it? Well, I have some theories that I’d like to share. You should listen to them, you know my resume. LINEMAN. PHYSICAL. SMASHMOUTH. WINNER.
1. DIALING IT UP! From the outset, the Jets BROUGHT THE HEAT against the vaunted’ Chargers offense. You CANNOT give time to a quarterback like Philip Rivers. You have to GET AFTER HIM. Mix it up. BRING HELL. The Jets did that by mixing up their blitz packages and limiting the big play. We know Rex Ryan LOVES to mix up his blitzes. And cake mixes. Get it? He’s fat.
2. SMASHMOUTH! What’s the best way to beat a good offense? KEEP THEM OFF THE FIELD!!! This is where I came in. I played with this guy named John Elway. And Terrell Davis. Opposing defenses feared us? Think I gave a shit? Nah. We ran the ball DOWNHILL. We CUT KNEES. Who do we credit for this physical style? REX. RYAN.
3. SWAGGER! If you were watching an NFL game for the first time, you might have thought the Jets were the 13-3 team. They played with CONFIDENCE in their abilities, as well as their philosophy. They got the Chargers ON THEIR HEELS. They forced Norv Turner to…coach? Make adjustments? Inspire his troops? When we he was given those responsibilities, you knew what would happen next. The Chargers folded like my $12 Kohl’s dress shirt.
by ryan on January 10, 2010
The NFL Playoffs have inspired gems like the Super Bowl Shuffle and the YouTube sensation, Shuffleback. Both of these songs were made in honor of the Chicago Bears. But it appears the Chargers’ LaDainian Tomlinson has gotten in on the sensation of viral videos. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you…”The Electric Glide.”
