You may remember (or maybe not, it was way the hell back in April) when we ran a YouTube video of a Blue Jays commercial that featured Frank Thomas punking his kids with a pillow. As a week long series, we’d like to show you the other brilliant ad campaigns that the Blue Jays marketing team came up with. Today’s feature: Troy Glaus. I can’t get over Glaus going into the trot. Truly epic.

John Thomson has picked up entirely too much popularity here on Sportable.? For some reason the entire Sportable staff refuses to let the story of John Thomson signing with the Blue Jays over the Mets die.? If you never heard the story, the link is here and the article is certainly a Sportable gem.? Thomson, who was with the Blue Jays, was released on Wednesday and signed with the Kansas City Royals.

Granted, this isn’t news.? Nobody outside of Kansas City should care about this story and, since nobody in Kansas City even cares about the Royals anyways, this whole run around is pretty irrelevant.? Thomson isn’t a good pitcher.? He likes to believe that he is because he’s been around for a few years, pitched on a few good teams, and had moderate success as a number four or five starter.? That’s all about to change.

I’m unclear as to whether he’s actually trying to commit career suicide or if he actually believes he can make a serious impact with the Royals.? Here’s a guy who turned down signing with the Mets, who by the way are in first place right now, in favor of playing for Toronto in the hellspawned AL East.? While he didn’t even throw a pitch for the Jays, it’s pretty apparent how much of a downgrade Toronto was from the Mets at this point in the year.? Toronto realized how much of a douchebag Thomson is and sent him out of town.? Enter Kansas City.? The Royals, a perennial lock for the cellar every year in the AL Central and a place where careers go to die, came calling for Thomson and he answered.? Huge mistake.

Im not exactly a professional baseball player and, well, I don’t handle much involving player contracts either.? My issue stems from the fact that he elected to go to the Royals.? This wasn’t a trade situation.? He wants to be a Kansas City Royal.? Now you see why we think this guy is one of the biggest dumbasses in America.? I won’t believe that, when he was released, every other team in the league didn’t show interest.? The idea that Kansas City was his only option is pretty far fetched considering some of the injury problems plaguing staffs in baseball right now.? Whatever happens to him, I just hope he’s satisfied knowing that Greg Zaun isn’t behind the dish.? Nothing to take away from John Buck, who is having a nice year, but he’s no Greg Zaun.? Nobody is like Greg Zaun.

After their surprising 2nd place finish in the American League East, big things were expected of Canada’s lone franchise, the Toronto Blue Jays. That hasn’t happened. The Jays are 14-21 and dead last in the division. But it’s gotten even worse the last few days. Closer BJ Ryan will miss the entire season and staff ace Roy Halladay is out for 4-6 weeks after an emergency appendectomy.

When you’re already over 10 games back in a division featuring the Sawx and Yankees, you’re in a world of hurt. It’s hard to play catch-up against two of the most talented teams in the bigs. For all the Yankees’ struggles so far this year, they still have a 3.5 game lead on the Yankees. Once they start hitting their stride, it’s going to be real tough for the Jays to make it up.

For all the talent the Jays have on offense, they find themselves in the middle of the pack in most major offensive categories. It’s their pitching that’s been pure garbage. Before his appendix burst, Halladay had gotten shelled two times in a row. Besides Halladay, every Jays starter has an ERA over five. Gustavo Chacin’s ERA is pushing six, which is about as laughable as his blood-alcohol level.

With the Jays struggling, this is the perfect time to LOL at John Thomson, who chose to pitch for the Blue Jays over the Mets because of catcher Gregg Zaun. Zaun has returned Thomson’s loyalty by hitting .186 and calling games for one of the worst pitching staffs in baseball. What’s funny about this whole thing is that Thomson hasn’t even taken the mound for the Jays. But at least they’re better than the Nationals and Royals!

It usually isn’t funny when a player winds up on the disabled list, but when you do something stupid that rule gets thrown out the window. When your name is B.J. that rule gets thrown out the window too, and it isn’t because I dislike you, it’s because my brain overloads with inappropriate jokes. I actually can’t take anything B.J. Ryan does seriously. Unfortunately, Ryan was placed on the disabled list today following his second blown save of the season last night and that is a serious issue.

I don’t understand why he chooses to go by B.J. Did he lose a bet or something? If so, I’m rooting for a co-worker (looking at you Vernon Wells) to write in and tell us how wrong we are. So Ryan has found his way on the DL with an injured left (throwing) elbow and will have to go see a specialist to make sure there isn’t anything serious wrong. This is a huge hit for the Blue Jays for a few reasons. They have so much money invested in Ryan that they can’t afford to lose him for an extended period of time. Also, his spot on the DL means that they don’t have a proven closer and that creates a huge problem when your team is trying to contend with the Yankees and Red Sox.

Hopefully Ryan can find his way off the disabled list and back onto the mound shortly so that I don’t feel as bad when I make the sexual jokes about his name. Until then, I feel bad for whatever fantasy player took him about three rounds too early and is now cursing his luck and hoping he doesn’t hear the word surgery.

Here at Sportable, an athlete getting a DUI earns them an automatic article, no questions asked. This week’s moron is Gustavo Chacin, pitcher for the Toronto Blue Jays. Chacin was arrested early Friday morning in Tampa Bay and charged with a DUI after registering a blood-alcohol content of .15. He posted his $500 bond and stumbled on his way.

“It’s a serious mistake and we all make mistakes,” manager John Gibbons said. “The justice system gets your attention pretty good these days, and they should.”

John Gibbons knows plenty about mistakes. This is the guy that likes to slug his own players so it’s shocking that Gibbons wasn’t out taking shots with Chacin. If I’m a cop, I would have arrested Chacin for his stupid glasses, whether or not he was hammered. Those glasses suck and it’s time for Chacin to take them off.

A BAC of .15 means Chacin, weighing all of 193 pounds, probably consumed 7-8 drinks. Compared to other DUIs we’ve covered, Chacin may be the most idiotic. Dominic Rhodes’ BAC was .9 when he was arrested, just a hair over the .8 legal limit. Kings coach Eric Musselman registered a .11 when he was arrested in October. And former professional driver Al Unser Jr. sideswiped somebody and then attempted to drive off. Chacin can brag about being the most hammered of Sportable’s DUI Crew.

For the entire month of March, the Sportable Staff will look at one Major League Baseball team a day. We?ll look at their lineups and pitching and in the end, assess their playoff chances. Previews will be done by division, starting with the American League East. Each new division will also feature a new podcast devoted entirely to that division.

The Best 3rd Place Team in Baseball?
I have to pity the Toronto Blue Jays. They have a great lineup, some very good pitchers, and a dominant closer. But time after time, they’re a lock for 3rd place. In a division that features big spending New York and Boston, the Blue Jays have definitely opened up their wallets in order to compete. But they still don’t have the depth and talent level of the two AL East juggernauts. Last year, the Blue Jays won 87 games. That would have been good enough to win the National League Central by four games. It would have put them just one game back of the National League Wild Card. Unfortunately, the Jays are in the American League. They did manage to finish 2nd in the AL East in 2006 but still well behind the Yankees. Can it change this year? I’d love to see it. Read the rest of this entry »