It’s a good thing the Atlanta Falcons drafted a defensive lineman in the first round because after the incidents from the past few weeks, they’re going to need Jamaal Anderson’s ass on the field immediately. Just a week after linebacker Demorrio Williams tore his pectoral muscle in the gym, defensive tackle Rod Coleman ruptured his right quadriceps. The reason? A boating accident, of course.

Attention professional athletes: If you’re not a member of a country competing in the America’s Cup, stay the hell off of a boat. In February, Ken Griffey Jr. broke his hand while wrestling his son on the family yacht. Last year, Bengals guard Eric Steinbach was arrested for boating under the influence. And now Coleman has destroyed his leg.

Welcome to Atlanta, Bobby Petrino! Your starting quarterback has a strange substance in his water bottle and a hatred for dogs. Your best bet at running a pro style offense is currently in Houston. And now the cog of your defense is getting injured on a boat. Next time an athlete chooses to set sail, maybe they should just have someone else do the navigation.

Jack Sparrow is available. Hell, Captain Barbosa could probably get you to your destination safely, provided he’s not killed by Legolas Will Turner. Gilligan is also a better option than a defensive tackle that weighs about 350 pounds. One guy to avoid? Edward Smith. A torn quad is a lot better than freezing in the Atlantic.