Everyone knows that Philadelphia has a nice history of sports failures.  The Phillies were the first team in Major League history to pick up 10,000 losses, accomplishing that not so glorious feat last year.  The rest of their professional sports teams while not reaching that level of futility have struggled as well.  The Sixers, Flyers, Eagles and Phillies have managed to put the city of brotherly love through an excruciating title drought for a city which has a professional sports team in all the major leagues.

Now with their entry to the World Series, the Phillies have given the people of Philadelphia hope.  They should also be feeling a sense of dread.  If the Rays beat the Phillies, then they will have a completed an AL East sweep of the Phillies in the World Series.  I’m not sure if this has ever happened before, although I would assume it hasn’t.  It seems to be the type of thing that only a city like Philadelphia would be forced to endure.

In 1915 the Phillies lost to the Boston Red Sox 4-1
In 1950 the Phillies lost to the New York Yankees 4-0
In 1983 the Baltimore Orioles beat the Phillies 4-1
And in 1993 the Tornonto Blue Jays and Joe Carter put that famous smacking on the Phillies 4-2

That means in World Series games the AL East is a combined 16-4 against the Phillies.  If history is to repeat itself then the Phillies appear to be doomed to a 4-1 loss at the hands of the Rays, and the AL East would officially make Philadelphia its collective bitch.

Finally, a breath of fresh air.  How many times hae you oveheard someone say “wahhh its always the Red Sox or the Yankees, too predictable” when talking about baseball?  Well, that theory can eat shit.  The Rays are arguably the best story baseball has had in decades, making a ridiculous season long run culminating with their first World Series berth ever.  Meanwhile in the NL the Phillies are back in the World Series for the first time since, well, since this happened.  The Rays weren’t even a twinkle in MLB’s eye when Mitch Williams gave that bomb up in 1993 to Joe Carter.

As far as how the series will shake out, all attention has to be on the Rays.  “They won’t win 70 games.  Okay they won’t win the division.  Okay they won’t beat the White Sox.  Okay they won’t overcome the Red Sox.”  Don’t give me anything about this team not having the stones to beat the Phillies on the worlds’ biggest stage.  Evan Longoria and BJ Upton have gone beast-mode during the playoffs, carrying the Rays offense with moon shots.  Their pitching has been unbelievable with Big Game James Shields, Scott Kazmir, and ALCS MVP Matt Garza pitching lights out. And let’s not even dive into how epic David Price’s outing was in game 7.  At 23, he’s going to be some kind of filthy in the coming years.

Meanwhile, the Phillies are the team that’s had as little hype as any National League team in this post season.  While ESPN was busy jerking it to the Cubs 97 win season, CC Sabathia starting every third day for a month, and Manny Ramirez owning Los Angeles, the Phillies went to work and handled both the Brewers and Dodgers with relative ease.  Ryan Howard hasn’t started hitting yet, which is a bit frightening.  Pat the Bat Burrell has played well and Chase Utley is back on track.  As far as arms go, Cole Hamels looks downright unhittable.  Brad Lidge has yet to blow a save this season, which is pretty impressive considering his history of blowing saves in big games.

For a prediction, I have to go with the Rays.  I have a few reasons for it, starting with Steve Phillips picking the Phillies to win it all.  The Rays seem like the most rounded team in baseball; a bunch of power, a bunch of speed, and incredible arms.  Guys like Longoria, Upton, and Crawford have been huge throughout the playoffs and it’ll continue in this series.  The Phillies downfall will be their fall off in their rotation after Hamels.  If the Phillies want to win this series, they’ll need a big win from Cole Hamels tonight.  I still think, regardless of Hamels winning, the Phillies will be overmatched in the long run.  This series will be epic, so screw the talk about the ratings sucking, you don’t work for Fox and neither do I.

If you’ve ever visited Hawaii, you may know the Hawaiians love their spam as much as they love waves and beaches. Shane Victorino, the only Hawaiian in Major League Baseball (by my estimation), is no exception. Known as the “Flyin Hawaiian,” Victorino has publicly endorsed his love for spam, something that the folks at PETA are not a fan of. Today, they released a statement directed at the outfielder.

“We suspect that the cruelty in every can of Spam will infuriate Shane more than a high Hiroki Kuroda fastball,” says Shannon. “If Shane likes Spam a lot, he should buy tickets to the Broadway play but leave it off his dinner plate.”

While I chuckled at the first part of PETA assistant director Dan Shannon’s statement, I have zero idea what he’s talking about with the second part. Spam is a play? PETA has hated Spam for a long time because of the atrocities (if you want to be depressed, you can read them here) that take place at the hands of Hormel, the assholes responsible for Spam. If Peta is going to call out Victorino, they might as well call out the fatties on Hawaii’s offensive line that probably bathe in the juice. 

Calling out Victorino comes as a surprise because PETA actually has a strong relationship with the Phillies, naming Citizens Bank Park the best vegetarian park in baseball for two years running. We’ll see if these criticisms do any damage to Victorino’s psyche tonight. If PETA wants to complain about Shane Victorino, they should probably complain about Jonathan Broxton too, who has probably endangered three species of pig by himself.

In a better effort to figure out who will win the upcoming championship series in baseball, I’ve decided to size up identifyable icons with each team.  Starting in the National League, lets take a look at Philadelphia’s famous mascot versus the Dodgers most identifyable figure (no, it’s not Mexicans) Tommy Lasorda.

Height/Weight:
Phanatic: 7 foot, no idea how much that suit weighs or how fat the guy inside is.
Lasorda: 6 foot, 280 lbs.  (weight is a rough guess, we know he likes cream puffs)

Origins in Major League Baseball:
Phanatic: Debuted in 1978 in a game against the Chicago Cubs.
Lasorda: Took over as Dodgers manager in 1976 after the retirement of Walter Alston.

Stake to fame:
Phanatic: Aside from obnoxious and ridiculous dancing night in and night out, the Phanatic was rated sports’ best mascot by Sports Illustrated.
Lasorda: Was dotted by Vladimir Guerrero’s bat during an All-Star game while coaching third base.  Also won two world championships with the Dodgers.

Notable feats:
Phanatic: Could fit a handful of baseballs inside of his awkward beak while doing pelvic thrusts in front of the opposing team’s dugout.
Lasorda: HAS eaten a handful of baseballs while doing pelvic thrusts in front of Raul Mondesi during a game.

Able to defeat Kimbo Slice in a fight?:
Phanatic: Possibly.  The Phanatic is huge, so size wouldn’t be an issue against Kimbo.  However it’s entirely possible the Phanatic could knock Kimbo down, spend too much time dancing around like a mascot, and get blindsided by Slice while not paying attention.
Lasorda: Doubtful.  Lasorda has his mind on the post-fight buffet.

How do they roll:
Phanatic: On an ATV
Lasorda: Probably in some ballin Mercedes or BMW.  I’ve never seen Tommy driving around, but I assume he settles for something highbrow.

Series history: The Phanatic once stomped out a lifesize doll of Tommy Lasorda during a Dodgers Phillies game while Lasorda was managing.  Tommy responded by running out of the dugout and kicking the Phanatics’ ass.  The game was nationally televised.  Nice.

Outcome: Though I like the Phanatic’s ability to hang around like an STD, I don’t think his Phightin Phils will be able to do the same.  Tommy Lasorda has been personally giving Manny Ramirez massages since Manny’s arrival in Los Angeles.  The result has been a superhuman effort.  Lasorda and the Dodgers will take this in six.

If the Major League Baseball season continues to shake up like it has we could be in for a very special treat. Many Major League teams are adding to the excitement that we see night in and night out, but it remains to be seen what teams will have enough to withstand the tough month of September and stay alive. Let’s take a look at this year’s pretenders and contenders for the upcoming dramatic playoff race.

A.L. Pretenders:
Tampa Bay Rays- I feel really bad for putting the Rays in this spot, but I don’t see them making it out alive in the A.L. East. The Red Sox will find some way to make this thing close before September comes. If stud third baseman Evan Longoria and closer Troy Percival can get off the DL sooner rather than later the Rays could have a chance, but putting everything on Carlos Pena and Australian Grant Balfour is a tough thing to ask.

Minnesota Twins- Tip your hat to the Twins for staying in it this long. Losing Santana and Hunter gave the image of a losing year back in Spring Training, however the emergence of young pitchers such as Nick Blackburn and Kevin Slowey have kept the Twins floating. The main problem with the Twins lies with the lineup outside of All-Stars Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer. The Twins will take on the Mariners and Oakland this week in a 7 game west coast swing; games in which they need to play well in to stay on top of the division.

N.L. Pretenders:
Philadelphia Phillies- The Phillies leader in wins is Jamie Moyer. Ouch. This squad has no pitching outside Cole Hamels and Moyer. And please don’t sit here and tell me that fat ass Joe Blanton was the answer to the Phillies pitching problems. They made a weak push for Rich Harden and are quickly learning that Blanton’s cheese curd fastball can’t hold much to Harden’s dominance. Their lineup is stacked, but their rotation isn’t. Balanced teams make the playoffs. The blue collar working class of Philadelphia will once again have to hope the Mets collapse in a New York minute (or seven games in seventeen days like last year).

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Hosts: Sonny, Ryan and Rich: This episode focused solely on the National League East. With Johan Santana now in the mix in New York, can the Mets rebound from last year’s epic September collapse? Or will the Philadelphia Phillies, led by their three MVP candidates, make it two titles in a row? Or…will the Atlanta Braves return to the postseason after a two year drought? All of this and more on this episode of the Sportable Spot.

Note: You may have noticed we haven’t recorded podcasts for the AL Central and AL East. Those will be posted in the next few days, we had a slight mishap with the order of divisions.

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