If Chris Berman and Tom Jackson were doing a “jacked up” segment this week there is no doubt Lance Briggs’ car would be number one on the list. Briggs’ 2007 Lamborghini Roadster was found wrapped around a light pole and abandoned at 3:15 in the morning. Briggs is fine, but his car certainly isn’t.

The Astros have decided that it is time for a change. Today they fired manager Phil Garner as well as their general manager Tim Purpura. The Astros are only 9 games out of first place, however they find themselves 15 games under .500 and not making any progress. It was definitely time for a change in Houston.

Asante Samuel has finally decided to end his holdout. I’m sure his teammates are welcoming him back into camp with open arms. Samuel will only have one pre-season game to get into regular season form, and he might not even be playing in their last game, which occurs on Thursday. Despite that, Samuel is going to be a huge upgrade for the Patriots, and is a key member of that defense.

Michael Vick entered his guilty plea today and at the same time apologized for his actions. Now the waiting game begins, as the hearing to sentence Vick won’t occur until December 10.

Fans of American Gladiators can rejoice today. No longer will we have to resort to watching ESPN Classic just to watch the great show. NBC has decided to bring American Gladiators back from the dead and to improve it for viewers now. I personally can’t wait.

John Elway has decided he was somewhat bored with the retired life. As such, he has decided to coach high school football. Of course, he is coaching his son, and they will probably be one of the best teams in the league, if not the entire state.

Andy Reid’s son finds himself in trouble with the law again. He was caught in a parking lot while driving a car under the influence. This DUI probably won’t help his cause as he is on bail pending the results of a road rage case in which he pulled a gun on another driver.

Good news for United States Soccer: they’re going to get their asses handed to them when they play Brazil next month. Brazil announced that their team would include stars Ronaldinho, Kaka, and Robino, in addition to their already really strong team. Things could get ugly.

Just in case you were wondering, David Beckham couldn’t outrun a Tyrannosaurus Rex. This news comes from a group of British researchers who were trying to find out how fast dinosaurs could run. They felt it was appropriate to then compare those speeds to David Beckham.

I think we already have a winner for the comeback player of the year award. A 59 year old man, Mike Flynt, has decided that he wants to play college football again, and so he’s doing it. Flynt cracked the roster for Division III Sul Ross State, quite the feat for a 59 year old.

Latrell Sprewell is getting his yacht repossessed because evidently not only can he not feed his family, he can’t pay his monthly payments either. My favorite part of this story is the fact that he named his yacht “Milwaukee’s Best.” Clearly he had to go cheap with his beer in order to afford his $1.5 million vessel, so the name in honor of his favorite beer was a no-brainer.

It looks like there won’t be any room for Priest Holmes on the Kansas City Chiefs roster. This wouldn’t be an issue, except for the fact that Larry Johnson is saying he doesn’t think he will be ready for opening day. At least Larry is optimistic and not mailing it in after getting paid.

Good news for fantasy football team owners everywhere, Larry Johnson has finally ended his holdout. Of course, in the interest of making a show and being seen, Larry Johnson showed up to Chiefs practice 45 minutes late and unannounced. This prompted random cheering from his teammates, something im sure the other running backs loved to hear.

The Miami Hurricanes have moved from one dump to another. It was announced today that the Hurricanes would leave the Orange Bowl in the year 2008. They’ll move into the much better facility of Dolphins Stadium, leaving behind a stadium full of history.

In case you have a spare half a million dollars lying around. Go ahead and make a bid for the record breaking ball hit by Barry Bonds. The fan who caught the ball announced that he would be putting it up for auction and expects it to sell for at least $500,000.

Jose Offerman is contending that he shouldn’t be charged for assault after beating a catcher over the head with a bat and breaking a pitchers finger. Offerman and his attorney contend that those injuries may not have been inflicted by him or by the bat, but by other actions that occurred in the melee after Offerman was pegged and charged the mound with a bat. That sounds like one of the weakest defenses I’ve ever heard, but he’s going to give it a shot.

In case you hadn’t heard, Mike Vick is done. He plead guilty today to federal dogfighting conspiracy charges and will soon find out exactly how much time he will spend in the slammer.

Evidently there was a quarterback battle in Miami that was settled today. Cam Cameron announced that Trent Green would be the Dolphins starting quarterback for the 2007 season. That leaves Cleo Lemon as the backup, a role everyone (except Cam) knew he would be filling when the Dolphins acquired Green in June.

The Broncos traded defensive tackle Gerard Warren to the Oakland Raiders for an undisclosed draft pick. This is an interesting move because it commits one of the cardinal sins of sports, trading within your own division, as well as unloads the man who the Broncos had considered their best defensive lineman.

College Football players across the nation are getting into all sorts of legal trouble. Two Iowa Hawkeye players have been suspended after being arrested for unauthorized use of a credit card. Meanwhile, all is not well in West Virginia where two Mountaineers were arrested for transferring and receiving stolen property.

Bud Selig has decided that Jason Giambi won’t be facing any repercussions for admitting that he has taken steroids before. Selig has agreed to let Giambi get off free because of his cooperation with the investigation being launched by Senator George Mitchell into steroids.

It looks more and more like Michael Vick is going to be forced into accepting a plea agreement. The prosecutors in his case announced that if Vick didn’t accept a plea bargain he would end up facing additional racketeering charges in addition to everything he is already charged with.

In light of many of the recent match fixing scandals, and betting rings revealed in sports, FIFA has announced that it will look to prevent any such instances from occurring in 2010 World Cup qualifying events. FIFA will hire an independent company to analyze bets placed on matches to note any irregularities.

One Little League players dreams could come to an end before the tournament even begins. A Japanese player has been diagnosed with measles and is currently being treated in isolation for the disease.