In this episode we take a look at the AFC East.  We start off getting prescription drugs from Nick Kaczur with the New England Patriots and then smoke weed with Kevin Faulk move onto the rest of the division.  Of course a look at the AFC East wouldn’t be complete without illegally taping other teams signals talking about the new poster boy for the New York Jets.   You might be interested to see us wear crappy gray hoodies hear our predictions about how this division will play out, they seem to go against the common trend now.

Hosts: Kevin, Rich, Ryan

 

 AFC East [25:43m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

The 2007 New England Patriots were arguably one of the best teams the NFL has ever seen, going undefeated in the regular season and running an amazing 18 game winning streak before losing in the Super Bowl to the New York Giants.  They torched numerous records on their way to the Super Bowl including a record 50 touchdown passes from Touchdown Tom Brady.  Many people are anxious to put the Pats right back in the Super Bowl this year after falling one game short, but I’m hesitant.  In fact, I have five good reasons why the Patriots won’t even be the best team in the AFC this season.

1. Copycat League. The NFL is the definition of a copy cat league.  If it works, teams are going to adapt to it to either stop it or to use it.  Case in point, the Patriots spread offense that torched teams all season and led Tom Brady to throw 50 touchdown passes, 23 to Randy Moss.  It took all season for someone to figure it out, but the New York Giants blew Brady and his boys off their blocks in the Super Bowl.  The team that was favored by two touchdowns barely scored two touchdowns as the Giants defensive line assaulted Brady.  The 30 teams that weren’t playing in that game were paying attention.  Everyone is well aware how to beat the Patriots.  Hone in on Moss and Welker and get after Brady.

2. Strength of Conference. It’s no secret that the AFC is clearly the more dominant conference, loaded with teams that might not make the playoffs in the AFC but would be playoff locks in the NFC.  The other two dominant teams in the AFC, Indy and San Diego, haven’t gotten worse over the course of the off-season and both would like a shot to take down the conference champ if given the opportunity.  You can’t tell me LaDainian Tomlinson isn’t chomping at the bit for the week six matchup against New England after watching his team fall to the Patriots while sitting unable to play on the sidelines.  Oh and apparently the Jets just added this quarterback, I think his name is Brett Farve, or Brett Favre.  He’s supposed to be pretty good.

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The New England Patriots continued their efforts to become the oldest team in the league by signing safety John Lynch to a one year deal yesterday.  Lynch, who all but retired a few weeks ago after leaving Denver Broncos camp, found the fountain of “last ditch effort to win a title” in New England with Hoodie and crew.  I didn’t know he was going to graduate like Junior Seau did after leaving the Chargers for Beantown…they must have walked together.

Aside from adding depth and a prime example of why losing a step because of age hurts in the secondary more than anything, I’m not really sure what Lynch brings to the Fawkin Pahhts.  He’s not going to start over Eugene Wilson or Rodney Harrison and I don’t really see how the Patriots would use him in nickel situations, making him nothing more than a dime back.  Then again, this is Hoodie and these are the Patriots.  He’s probably doing bong loads in his mom’s basement right now trying to find ways to squeeze Lynch’s old carcass into blitz packages and run defense.

Like I said, I don’t think this move has much significance other than addition onf depth to the roster.  Lynch is just one more body that will make his way from the Patriots roster to the retirement home at the end of the season.  You may have noticed that I tried to jam a few Bostonian accented phrases into this article.  For a full Boston take on this move, check out Kissing Suzy Kolber’s fantastic take on Lynch moving to New England.

• Patriots offensive lineman Nick Kaczur will be appearing in court today to defend his arrest in April that included a drug possession charge. Kaczur, easily one of the most unique and difficult last names to pronounce in the NFL, will be arraigned on charges of OxyContin possession. Leave it to the Patriots to find guys who can’t get down and party like everyone else with a bag of hippy lettuce and instead hit the hard prescription stuff. Kaczur’s assistance in arresting his dealer after his own arrest will assuredly shorten his sentence (which is maximum a year in prison) to a slap on the wrist and a small fine.
• Only six first round picks have signed as of this morning. Is everyone aware that camp starts this week or is it just me? These signings always fall like dominoes but come on guys. Lets get everyone into camp and stop bitching about $500,000 in incentives.
• The more I look at the Minnesota Vikings, the more I see a playoff team waiting in the wings. In all seriousness, Tavaris Jackson is about the only question mark with this team (and a big one at that). The Vikes defense, which was incredible last season, added drunk driving pass rush specialist Jared Allen and the offense added the speedy services of Bernard Berrian at wide receiver. Something tells me that the Packers, with or without the retired bastard who will go unnamed, are going to get leapfrogged in this division by the Vikings.
• Surprise, Surprise, Chad Johnson is going to report to camp on time. What a waste of time this whole story has been. Remember when Chad went Kobe on Cincy and said he couldn’t play there anymore? Come on. This passing offense is one of the most prolific in the NFL and theres no way the Bengals were going to let him walk. Props to Marvin Lewis for playing hardball during the situation; we knew he wasn’t going to cave.
• Brian Urlacher and the Bears are going long term on a contract that will keep Urlacher at Soldier Field for 43 more years. While this is a good move by the Bears, they still lack any form of intelligence on the offensive side of the ball. Get ready for a year full of 13-10 and 14-9 shootouts.

We’re about 20 hours removed from Super Bowl XLII and I’m still struggling to find the proper superlatives to describe the Giants’ 17-14 upset over the Patriots. Shocking, incredible, surprising, dramatic. Pick whichever one you want. Rather than attempt to break down the game with a standard article, I’ll use bullet points. After all, who doesn’t love bullet points?

• Here’s a few fun statistics. The NFL’s leading passer (in yards) has never gone on to win the Super Bowl. Ever. That’s 42 years of sample size to work with. And before you go claim that Kurt Warner led the league in 1999, he didn’t. Steve Beuerlein did. However, Warner did lead the league in passing in 2001, when his Rams lost to the Patriots. Speaking of Kurt Warner. He’s the last regular season MVP (1999) to win the Super Bowl.

• How about that Giants’ defensive line? The likes of Osi Umenyiora, Justin Tuck and Michael Strahan delivered their most dominant performance of the season in the biggest game of the season. While Eli Manning deservedly sits on newspaper front pages everywhere, the true MVP of this game was that Giants front four. They were everywhere.

• Speaking of Eli Manning. He’s taken plenty of shit throughout his career but man, did he step it up yesterday. Eli threw for two touchdown passes in an epic 4th quarter, including the play that everyone is talking about. As soon as it happened, you figured it was just meant to be for the Giants. Chalk that play up as “Super Bowl Lore.” We’re gonna be seeing that one for a while.

• Where was that old Patriots team? Once the Pats’ offensive line realized the Giants had come to play, I expected them to “flip that switch” and go back to their dominant selves. But they didn’t. All of the nastiness that line showed for the last 18 weeks was gone. Instead, the Giants made them look substandard. Mediocre, even. Despite that record-setting Patriots’ offense, the game still has to be won in the trenches. And for the first time all year, the Pats’ offensive line didn’t man up and do the job.

In the end, doesn’t this seem like some sort of karmic justice? The Patriots, criticized for Spygate videotaping opposing coaches and running up the score, fell short in their quest for football immortality while Eli Manning, the emotionless drone under center in New York, came up huge. Even a day later, typing that doesn’t feel right yet.

In order to completely ensure that I would know who was going to win the Super Bowl, I fired up my crystal ball (Xbox 360) and threw in Madden 2008. What better way to ultimately gaze into the future and know who is going to win the Super Bowl before it’s even been played? The results, as I found out, were exactly as I had previously thought; blowout.

What better way to answer critics about your injured foot than by throwing for five touchdowns and having a perfect quarterback rating? Well, that’s what Tom Brady did to the Giants, racking up 452 yards through the air and throwing touchdowns to five different receivers. Randy Moss had one, as did Wes Welker and Laurence Maroney. To my surprise, Donte Stallworth stole the show with ten catches for 165 yards and a touchdown. Who saw that coming? Eli Manning didn’t fare as well as the aforementioned Brady, throwing for two touchdowns and one interception. Manning didn’t have a terrible game but much of his production can be attributed to the fact that the Giants primarily threw the ball in the second half after the Patriots took a 21-0 lead into half.

On the ground the Patriots had no problem establishing the run. Laurence Maroney ran for 115 yards on 22 carries and Sammy Morris, miraculously healed from an injury that sidelined him for the rest of the season, scored a touchdown. The Giants, meanwhile, had a tough time. Brandon Jacobs was shut down, gaining just nine yards on the ground. Any resemblance of production came from forgotten Reuben Droughns who had 68 yards on 18 carries.

On the defensive side of the ball, the Giants didn’t do much. Michael Strahan and Osi Umenyiora each had a sack and Antonio Pierce racked up a team high 8 tackles. For the Pats, safety Rodney Harrison led all defenders with nine tackles and also had the lone interception of the game.

The final score: 42-17. Tom Brady is still waiting for Plaxico Burress to step onto the field and play. I’m waiting for someone who is able to give this team a game. This one was wrapped up by halftime and the Patriots cruised to victory. Will this be a glimpse into the result tomorrow? Probably not. But that doesn’t mean it’s not going to be a blowout. Good luck New York, hopefully you can give the Pats a better game than Madden thinks you will.