In response to Joey Porters recent questioning about why Matt Jones has not been suspended by the NFL yet (seriously, this is a legitimate question) Jones decided to take the high road…and question Porter’s sexuality.

“I don’t even know why he’s even thinking about me,” Jones said. “I mean, maybe he likes other men and sits up and thinks about stuff, so I don’t know.”

Really Matt, you went there?  What image of you is he thinking of?  The one pictured above, that one right after you got caught cutting up cocaine in your car with a credit card?  Or maybe its this one, with the flowing locks of hair.  Or is it this ruggedly handsome photo of your pasty body in a tank top?

Are you sure he lays awake and thinks about you?  Or does he think about you when he’s “in nightclubs, dancing with his shirt off like a girl.”  Maybe you and Brandon can team up and do some lines of coke and then commit some act of domestic violence.  Then, while still hyped up on cocaine, you two can run your mouths a little bit more about Joey Porter.  That seems to be what the two of you are best at.

Take my advice, lay off the nose candy and serve your suspension, like we all know you need to.  Hey maybe you can use those three weeks to brush up on your smack-talking skills, “he likes men” just doesn’t cut it after you graduate from elementary school.

What’s the best way to cover up the fact that you had two garbage time catches and were rendered entirely useless against the Dolphins?  Talk shit about their best defensive player, of course.  After getting punched in the mouth all day by Joey Porter and the Dolphins defense and hearing Porter talk about Brandon Marshall being a quitter on the offense if he doesn’t get the ball early, Marshall fired back with some ignorant shit of his own.

“Yeah, Joey Porter’s one of them guys, when you got guys who talk a lot of trash, just want to talk about people or put people down, they have their own insecurities,” Marshall said. “And his insecurities I don’t know. But he’s definitely one of those guys who all those muscles are popcorn muscles. He’s soft.”
“You know, we hear stories floating around the league all the time about him as far [as being] in nightclubs dancing with his shirt off like a girl or in the playground getting beat up back in California,” Marshall said. “He’s one of those guys that no matter how big he is, he can still get knocked on his butt and he’s soft. He’s soft at heart and you can tell by the way he talks.”
“And his nickname is ‘Peezy.’ I don’t know what ‘Peezy’ is.”

This is smart.  How about going across the middle, Brandon.  How about asking the quarterbacks who Porter has blasted 11.5 times this year if his muscles are made of popcorn.  And comparing Porter to another guy who grinds in the club without a shirt on?  That’s just low.  Maybe Marshall should spend more time concerning himself with his lackluster performance of late.  How does a guy like him go off for 18 catches in a game and then only find the rock twice in another.  We know Cutler and Marshall are butt buddies; it’s not like that diabetic hick isn’t looking to get him the ball.

I have a better idea.  Instead of popping off to the media about a guy you won’t see again this year, why don’t you concern yourself with your own team; a team that has lost three games in a row and looks like a complete disaster.

If I could go back in time and be in Las Vegas this past weekend I would do it in a heartbeat. And I would have placed myself right next to Joey Porter as he brawled with Levi Jones because that would have been one of the best sights ever. Two NFL players going at it in the middle of Las Vegas minus pads is just great. It almost sounds like a FOX reality show, fortunately for some bystanders, it was reality.

There are probably few things I can think of that would be as legendary as witnessing a Dolphins linebacker fighting a Bengals offensive lineman on the streets. I guess this occurred because of some previous tension between the players on the field. To no surprise, Porter had been running smack and Jones wasn’t having any of it. This had created a general dislike between the two of them that I guess ran deep enough to come to a head in a random incident in Las Vegas.

There are so many undertones to this incident that it almost blows my mind/makes this too easy to write, really, it’s almost unfair. Let’s start with another Bengal being involved in another incident with cops and law troubles. It isn’t like Levi Jones did anything wrong this time, just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time with beef with the wrong person.

How happy are the Dolphins right now. Their biggest off season acquisition just got busted busting a guys face in the middle of Vegas. That makes Porter and the entire Dolphins organization look real good. I’m hoping that this incites some gang-style war between the Dolphins and the Bengals. I’m talking taking Crips v. Bloods to a whole new level. My money is on the Bengals to win that one, they have the experience.

I can’t imagine what Porter was thinking, I’m just going to assume he carried his Saint Patrick’s day celebration over to Sunday and was loaded off Irish Car Bombs. Even then, I’m thinking this barely gives him an excuse for this one. I just hope that next time Porter decides to crack a man in the face I’m lucky enough to be the witness and not the victim.

I never, ever thought Joey Porter would leave the Pittsburgh Steelers. His intensity and the fact that he looked terrifying made him a perfect fit for a franchise that prides itself on tough SOBs at linebacker. But this is modern day sports, meaning players are constantly on the move. After being courted by several teams, Porter chose the Miami Dolphins, signing a five year, $32 million deal.

Porter doesn’t seem like a Miami Dolphin. He’s not the guy that would take the field wearing orange and teal. He’s not the type that would swim with dolphins. He’s more likely to eat a dolphin as a pregame snack than pet one. That’s why I’m not ready to say this deal makes sense. But regardless, the deal is done and it’s going to help Miami a lot.

It’s been quite an offseason for the Dolphins. Nick Saban has quit, which turned out to be salvageable after Miami hired one of the NFL’s hottest coaching prospects in Cam Cameron. Bringing Porter into the mix on defense makes Miami’s linebacker corps one of the league’s best. He’ll be alongside Zach Thomas and Channing Crowder. But how will he fare in the 4-3 defense is another question.

It’s a nice signing for Miami, make no mistake about it. But who’s going to throw the interceptions to this defense during training camp? Will Daunte Culpepper be healthy? Does Ricky Williams have functioning lungs? Perhaps we’ll get answers on Draft Day. But as of now, I’m still hesitant to make any predictions.

It’s always good when two football players start feuding. Especially when they’re two of the most outspoken and annoying players in the league right now. Joey Porter and Kellen Winslow Jr. appear set for a war of words that promises to continue for the next few years, as they are in the same division.

I find it hilarious that Porter is apologizing to everyone except Winslow for his comments, basically implying that Winslow is, unlike the rest of the Browns, gay. Funny Joey, how would you know that.

I hate Kellen Winslow Jr. as I have already gone over, so I won’t take time to defending him from Porter. Especially because he is, as Porter mentioned, soft. He should move to wide receiver, he isn’t big enough or physical enough to be a tight end, regardless of how much of a soldier he claims he is. He is a dirty player to go along with his softness. His two most memorable hits have both come late, the one where he injured the Tennessee player, prompting the “I’m a soldier” tirade, and his hit this past Thursday against James Farrior well after the play was dead. He then proceeded to get leveled shortly after by Farrior. The fact remains, Winslow is a soft player who stays away from most hits, not the type of player you want at tight end.

The moral dilemma for me here, is that I also hate Joey Porter, and I highly doubt Winslow is gay, not to mention how elementary that insult is. Porter may celebrate more often than Ray Lewis for plays he has no impact on. Good job Joey, one of your other players made the tackle while you were being blocked. That gives you ever reason to run around pumping your fist. Please, continue doing so. I’m not saying Porter isn’t a good player, but he is an incredibly annoying one on the field.

I’m going to have to side with Porter on this issue though. I think we all remember the psychological battle between Porter and Seahawks Tight End Jerramy Stevens last year before the Super Bowl. In case you forgot how that turned out, Stevens has all but fallen off the face of the Earth. He is now known for his ability to drop passes. I’m hoping this exact same thing happens to Winslow, that way there’s one less idiot we have to deal with.