After incidents involving both Elijiah Dukes and Sean Salisbury, it’s safe to conclude that threats or insults made via cell phone are the new hotness in sports. But now, a more high-profile athlete has jumped into the fun. Brian Urlacher has been accused of sending abusive text messages by the mother of his two year old son. The messages are angry, unimaginative, and of course, fun!

“Go to hell you f—— —-.”

“Grow the f— up and quit praying and get a job.”

“You’re a f—— fruit cake.”

“Your raising a little p—y.”

Considering I’ve never seen Urlacher crack a smile, this mean streak isn’t surprising. The guy has allegedly send 30 rage-filled text messages since January. Some people request a daily horoscope in their inbox each morning. Tyna Robertson has a subscription to Brian Urlacher’s anger. Of course, Urlacher’s crew is denying everything, saying Robertson has a history of “self-serving fiction.” Sounds like the perfect duo for creating new “pussy” kids.

These two have been fighting for custody of Urlacher’s son the last few months and by this report, it doesn’t look like it’s being settled nicely. And by the way, Brian, I don’t think the term “fruitcake” would apply here. After all, you slept with this stripper and got her pregnant.

After another Yankees loss yesterday, the New York media is obviously disgusted. They demand excellence and this Yankees bunch isn’t delivering it. It’s gotten to the point where they’ll show anything to get their anger across. The Daily Sports News has made their feelings felt about the Yankees’ play. The New York Times? They’re focusing on something entirely different. Apparently, Alex Rodriguez’s wife showed up the Yankee Stadium with a vulgar shirt. The back of it read very clearly: F*** You.

“[One] father, was so embarrassed, he got up and left and took his son,” who appeared to be about 10 years old, a fan said.

“I mean this kid was right in back of Cynthia - his nose must have been about 4 inches away from the words ‘F- - - you.’ “

While I always appreciate the good-humored f bomb, wearing a shirt with that little creativity doesn’t do the word justice. If it was something like “F*** Boston” or even “Buck Foston,” it might earn applause instead of scorn. But because it’s A-Rod’s wife and the team is sucking complete ass, it’s getting in the news. Let me add the obvious to this discussion. It’s Yankee Stadium. If you’ve sat in a New York crowd, you know their knack for stringing together some F bombs. Hell, you can go to any stadium in the world and come across the word in some form.

Despite Alex Rodriguez putting up eye-popping numbers and getting love respect from all corners of the baseball world, he’s going through a tough year. Thanks to the New York media machine (and ESPN), Rodriguez has seemingly been in the news for everything but his 27 homers. There’s the infield fly ball controversy, the nameless whore in Toronto, and now the shirt his wife wears. Her shirt, although trashy, essentially sums up what Rodriguez feels in that damn city.

Note: Damn, does she look beat or what?

I think everyone is familiar with the current Allison Stokke controversy by now. What most people don’t know is that Allison’s father, Al Stokke, has an interesting record. Al Stokke is a criminal defense lawyer and as happens with people in that line of work, has to defend some sketchy people. However, in light of his defense of his daughter, some of his defense tactics in the court room seem very questionable.

Earlier this year, Stokke was defending an Irvine police officer who had reportedly ejaculated on a motorist at a routine morning traffic stop. Stokke argued that the woman, who happened to be a stripper, brought the actions upon herself.

?She got what she wanted,? said Stokke. ?She?s an overtly sexual person.?

I find this argument about as logical as the people who say that women invite rape upon themselves.

Speaking of rape, Stokke was defending people accused of gang raping a female. The victim claimed mental anguish as a result of the gang raping. Stokke promptly put down the victim, and questioned her claims.

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This past Sunday night, Alex Rodriguez and a “blonde bombshell” were seen hitting the streets of Toronto before the Yankees-Blue Jays series that began yesterday. Let me begin by mentioning the fact that A-Rod is happily married to Cynthia Scurtis, who he has a 2 1/2 year old daughter with.

Rodriguez was seen with this woman on Sunday evening when the two headed out for dinner at an upscale Toronto restaurant. Accompanying Alex and the woman were two males that could have been Rodriguez’s bodyguards. After an expensive meal, the dinner party made their way over to the Brass Rail, the strip club where they spent a good portion of the night.

As I begin to break things down, I must realize that this is the life of a man who makes $25 million dollars a year. Should we really care about what he does during his off-time? I sure as hell don’t. Nobody will ever really know what Alex Rodriguez and this woman did. But I find it strange that Alex was still wearing his wedding band while traveling around Toronto with this lady.

I would like to think that this is all just a misunderstanding. But after the two were seen going into a strip club, my opinion sways. Does A-Rod care what people think of him after this incident? Honestly, I don’t think he really does. If Alex wants to party, he’ll party.

I’m sure Tom Coughlin loves this news out of New Jersey. Some of you may remember reports of a large New York Giants contingent frequenting strip clubs and leaving without tipping. But this news surrounds Plaxico Burress. According to AOL Sports Blog and Deadspin, Burress angrily left a New Jersey bar without paying a $2,000 tab. The reason? Plax wasn’t getting any play.

Sources say New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress insulted female patrons there and “left the club without paying his $2,000 tab.”

It seemed that Burress was upset Wednesday night because “no women were paying any attention to him.”

What an offseason this has been for the Giants. First, their franchise running back walks away at the peak of his career. Then their career sack leader gets punked by his wife in a divorce hearing. And now there’s Plaxico Burress, a receiver that, while supremely talented, doesn’t know when to shut up and play football. All night long, Plax and his crew downed Grey Goose and bottles of Dom Perignon. And all night long, Plax was unable to escape the cockfest that was his posse.

It’s hard to believe a professional athlete could strike out at a bar in New Jersey but that’s the case we have here. It may have helped matters if Burress didn’t act like a complete jackass all night. Reports say that a male fan raced home to retrieve his Burress jersey, only for his autograph request to be snubbed by #17. Next time Plax, just make it rain. That’ll attract the hoes. Just don’t slam their head into the stage.

All it took was Brady Quinn leaving Notre Dame and being drafted by the Cleveland Browns for us to find out his true colors. From his days at Notre Dame, NBC wouldn’t let us believe anything besides the fact that Quinn was a double major, shaved his arms, and was the best quarterback in the school’s history. Just a couple weeks after some questionable pictures of Quinn surfaced, we get more candid shots.

The disturbing picture to your right is from Brady Quinn’s sister’s wedding. As you probably know, Quinn’s sister Laura is now married to former Ohio State star and current Green Bay Packer AJ Hawk. By looking at the pictures, we’re guessing the reception was a casual affair. At the ceremony itself, Quinn and Hawk are seen embracing like any normal wedding. But then the tuxes come off.

Themed receptions seem something out of your Senior Prom, whether it’s something like “Tenetian Fire by Moonlight” or “One Final Maiden Voyage.” The Quinn-Hawk reception had a simple theme: Village People. How else do you explain this atrocity? We can’t wait to hear Joe Theismann’s criticism of Quinn after this. Here’s an idea Brady. Go to practice, answer questions, and lock yourself in your room the rest of the night.