Okay okay, who had week six in the “pick how long it will take for Pacman to get back into trouble” office pool?  You, sir, are a winner.  Some people, no matter the situation, always seem to find trouble.  Pacman is one of those guys.  Pac got into a brawl with one of his own security guards in a hotel yesterday after the security guard said something about the girl Pac was with.  Here’s how it probably went down.

Security Guard: “Pac, that girl is a skank.  She’s gonna jack you, bro.”
Pacman: “Yo, don’t talk bad ’bout my girl befo’ I have to whoop yo ass.”
Security Guard: “You?  Whoopin’ my ass?  I’m an off-duty cop, bro, I’ll blow you up.  So shut your mouth and lets get outta here.”
Pacman: “Aight now you crossed the line dawg, Im’a beat yo ass”
Security Guard: “Pac you don’t wanna fight me, you can’t be gettin into trouble like that.  Goodell will suspend your ass.  Mr. Jones will be pissed off.  And I don’t wanna have to break your face in.”
Pacman: “F**k that lets go.”
(Security guard whoops Pacmans ass)

Expect the heavy hand of Roger Goodell to come smashing down on Pacman.  Upon reinstating Pacman, Goodell warned that any incident would be taken seriously and punished harshly.  This would be one of those incidents.

More importantly, imagine being Jerry Jones right now.  You took a flyer on a guy who had some problems but did what was necessary to make sure it wouldn’t happen again by issuing security guards for him.  Instead, he goes and fights one of the guards.  Now, with a likely suspension coming, you lose Pacman from the defense on top of finding out that Terrance Newman is going to be out for up to six weeks with a sports hernia.  That Cowboys defense took a serious hit within a matter of days.

It’s not like I’m surprised.  I wasn’t fooled by the front that Pac put up in the HBO series ‘Hard Knocks.’  He’s not a reinvented person.  He never will be.  I don’t care how good he is at football, he’s just another Lawrence Phillips.  Pac’s options in the NFL are getting smaller by the day, and if he continues doing dumb shit like this, he’ll be out of the league before the year is over.

Here come fifteen months in the slammer.  Hope getting caught up with fixing NBA games was worth it.  Make sure not to spend more than three seconds in the paint shower, dont get caught making illegal screens shanks, and make sure the homeboys in cell block B don’t run the pick and roll on your butthole.

As bloggers, we’ve never hesitated to lay into the Cincinnati Bengals for their awful defense and more importantly, their hilariously long criminal record. The Bengals have attempted to take out some of the trash, cutting guys like Odell Thurman. But if you wondering how serious the Bengals were about cleaning up their act, just look at the case of Chris Henry. Not only was he signed, he was actually a team captain in last night’s preseason finale against the Colts.

Now there’s several theories about what Marvin Lewis meant when he put the “C” on Chris Henry’s jersey. Perhaps it was a gesture of humiliation, similar to that shitty book “Scarlet Letter.” Perhaps the “C” means convict? Criminal? Cell block C? Crazy bastard? There’s lots of theories. But I know one thing: The only team Chris Henry is fit to lead is one from “The Longest Yard.”

Captains lead by example. While other team’s captains like Drew Brees, Peyton Manning or LaDainian Tomlinson call team meetings and show leadership, the Bengals’ captain is perhaps the most infamous scumbag in American sports. Being named a team captain, even for a preseason game, is something that should be earned. Getting suspended for countless off the field issues means you’re simply not there for your team.

O.J. Simpson is in the news again. No, he’s not publishing any books or getting kicked out of steakhouses. Nope, instead, he’s become a suspect in a hotel room break-in. Simpson allegedly went into a Las Vegas Palace Station room to retrieve memorabilia that belonged to him. Problem? Las Vegas brass aren’t so sure it belonged to him in the first place.

Simpson, who was in Las Vegas for a friend’s wedding, said he arranged to meet auction house owner Tom Riccio at the hotel and conducted a “sting operation.”

“Everybody knows this is stolen stuff,” Simpson said. “Not only wasn’t there a break-in, but Riccio came to the lobby and escorted us up to the room. In any event, it’s stolen stuff that’s mine. Nobody was roughed up.”

What is it about sports memorabilia that brings out the best in athletes? First, there was Ruben Rivera’s legendary Sticky Bandit job when he stole shit out of teammate Derek Jeter’s locker. And now, we have Orenthal breaking into some hotel rooms to reclaim what’s rightfully is. And come on OJ, Palace Station? An off-strip dive in Vegas? I expected better of a killer proud man like yourself.

What’s also amusing about this story is the fact that Simpson felt like breaking into hotel rooms rather than appear in Miami court in his daughter’s bankruptcy case. Rather than be in Miami to give a desposition, O.J. chose to swipe some autographed footballs. O.J. may have said he was involved in a sting operation ala Jack Bauer and/or Vic Mackey but either way, he’s found himself in the news…again.

Danny Baugher was a little distraught that he got cut by the Patriots on August 29th. Wouldn’t you be pissed too if your shot at a Super Bowl ring (a legitimate one at that) was taken away from you? The problem is that most people would have handled the situation a little differently than Danny did. Baugher, an undrafted rookie out of Arizona, beat his dad’s ass in a fast food parking lot at 4:00 am to vent his frustration.

I never really understand why athletes do the stupid stuff that they do. Was his father taking him out for a McDonalds ice cream to cheer him up and instead got hit with a sucker punch and some knuckle sandwich? Nobody knows. Baugher was drunk at the time and that may have stimulated his rage against his father. But the real question comes when you ask yourself why Baugher and his dad were hanging out at a fast food place at 4:00 am while hammered. Solving your sorrows by drinking won’t help your situation at all.

I guess we should feel bad for the guy. Dateline NBC reporter Veteran punter Chris Hanson was signed by the Patriots to replace Baugher. You may remember Hanson from an incident a few years back when Jacksonville coach Jack Del Rio thought it’d be a great idea to bring an ax and a piece of wood into the locker room for metaphorical purposes. Chris Hanson “chopped that wood” and gashed open his left leg with the ax, forcing him out of commission for a short time. I guess cutting open your leg is a lesser of two evils when the other choice is smashing your father’s face in.

11 different Cincinnati Bengals have been arrested since 2005. Here’s your chance to show your true colors and to support the team. Whether you’re getting arrested at a wedding party, crashing a house party, fighting Joey Porter, or slugging your girlfriend, you’ll want to do it in style.

Go check out the shirt here.

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