For the Detroit Lions, the perfect season is halfway done.  They may not face a bigger trial than they faced yesterday in Chicago against a Bears team that was ready to give the Lions their first win.  And give the Lions credit; they scored 23 points in the second quarter on the road and still managed to snag defeat from the jaws of victory.  I’ll admit that I was worried.  Having the perfect season rest in the hands of Rex Grossman is not something I’m accustomed to nor is it something I would normally wish upon a team.  But Grossman proved me wrong, threw two touchdowns, and kept the perfection in tact.

Aside from Calvin Johnson putting up decent numbers for my fantasy team, I don’t think I’ve asked for too much from the Lions.  So I’ll keep it simple; mail it in.  The checks will keep coming regardless.  Stop trying and make this season a year of perfection.  I know bringing in a guy like Daunte will make the appearance that the Lions are looking to improve.  They aren’t.  If Daunte was anything close to consistent, he would have already been playing for a team that doesn’t have a zero in the win column.

Jacksonville, you’re up next.  You already screwed it up and gave the Bengals their first win of the year; don’t be that team that screws up perfection for both Cincinnati and Detroit.

In this episode we take a look at the AFC North, one of the more interesting divisions in the NFL.  We discuss the oft-arrested and troubled Cincinnati Bengals and of course make fun of them.  We predict good things for both the Browns and the Steelers, and decide the Ravens really don’t have a place in the conversation.

Hosts: Kevin, Rich, Ryan

 

 AFC North [24:02m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

As bloggers, we’ve never hesitated to lay into the Cincinnati Bengals for their awful defense and more importantly, their hilariously long criminal record. The Bengals have attempted to take out some of the trash, cutting guys like Odell Thurman. But if you wondering how serious the Bengals were about cleaning up their act, just look at the case of Chris Henry. Not only was he signed, he was actually a team captain in last night’s preseason finale against the Colts.

Now there’s several theories about what Marvin Lewis meant when he put the “C” on Chris Henry’s jersey. Perhaps it was a gesture of humiliation, similar to that shitty book “Scarlet Letter.” Perhaps the “C” means convict? Criminal? Cell block C? Crazy bastard? There’s lots of theories. But I know one thing: The only team Chris Henry is fit to lead is one from “The Longest Yard.”

Captains lead by example. While other team’s captains like Drew Brees, Peyton Manning or LaDainian Tomlinson call team meetings and show leadership, the Bengals’ captain is perhaps the most infamous scumbag in American sports. Being named a team captain, even for a preseason game, is something that should be earned. Getting suspended for countless off the field issues means you’re simply not there for your team.

Going back on a previous statement made by their coach and front office, the Bengals mde the daring move of re-signing Chris Henry today.  My immediate reaction was nothing short of ecstatic. I make no bones about being a big fan of anyone who makes the NFL and is stupid enough to get themselves arrested multiple times and be suspended by the league.  This list includes but certainly is not limited to the likes of Chris Henry, Pacman Jones, and Tank Johnson.

Before training camp opened, head coach Marvin Lewis insisted that he and his team had moved on from Henry and were ready to put him in the past.  Playeres needed to be held responsible for their actions he said, and despite Henry publicly saying he wanted to remain a Bengal, Lewis held firm in his statement, firm that is until today.

The word is that the Bengals made this signing because they are worried about depth at wide receiver.  Chad Johnson banged his shoulder up during a pre-season game and T.J. Houshmandzadeh has been battling a hamstring injury throughout camp.  That story is all fine and good, but the problem is Henry still has a four game suspension to server, so if Johnson and Houshmandzadeh find themselves hurt and unable to go week one, the Bengals will not be in any better of a situation than they were before signing Henry.

I don’t particulalry understand the signing because of that seeming Catch-22.  But just because I don’t understand it doesn’t mean im not a big fan.  This just means CHris Henry is back into the league and we have one more player who is on my watch list as I wait for them to screw up.

Most people remember a few years back when Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson put “Ocho Cinco” on the back of his jersey and was subsequently fined by the NFL for having something other than his last name on the jersey.  Well, according to Sportingnews.com, the human highlight reel may be taking steps towards making that his legal last name.  No, you didn’t read that wrong.  He’s literally changing his last name to Ocho Cinco.  So when he said in an interview with ESPN last week that he had a surprise for the world when they kicked off the year against the Ravens, he probably wasn’t lying.

“We’ve learned that Johnson has taken the first steps in the state of Florida toward legally changing his last name to Ocho Cinco.

If Johnson follows through on this, his actual, legal name will be Chad Ocho Cinco, and the NFL would then (we assume) allow him to put his new last name on the back of his jersey.”

If this happens, the whole NFL world is going to officially flip upside down.  This is better than that douchebag who changed his name to Peyton Manning after the Colts smacked the Bears in the Super Bowl.  This is Chad taking the level of celebration/ego and raising it to impossible heights.  Give the man credit; he’s an entertainer and he knows his job is to make people laugh while he burns secondaries and dances in the endzone.  Other guys are out causing trouble in clubs (yes I just made a gross generalization, ignore it) and Chad Johnson is sitting at home thinking of celebration ideas for week five against the Cowboys.

I’ll make this clear; if Chad Johnson actually changes his name to Ocho Cinco, I will be the first in line to buy his new jersey.  What’s not to like about a guy with so much swagger that he changes his freaking name to his number.  While I know this is all still preliminary, I’m holding out my hope.  Do it Chad.  Change your name and send a message to the NFL and Roger Goodell that you can’t be touched and that Ocho Cinco is the man.

At this point, I think it’s safe to say that the Cincinnati Bengals are a bigger mess than any other team in the NFL, including the Raiders and Dolphins.  The Bengals severed ties with troubled linebacker Odell Thurman after Thurman didn’t show up at several voluntary workouts because he was in Georgia tending to family issues, namely the death of his grandmother.  Thurman becomes the second Bengal released this offseason behind wide receiver Chris Henry while other stand out receiver Chad Johnson has threatened to not play for the Bengals in 2008

Thurman, who hasn’t played since 2005 because of several suspensions for smoking the hippy lettuce, was the best linebacker that the Bengals had.  Yet it wasn’t his troubled past that got his release from the Bengals but rather it was his choice to deal with family issues instead of attending voluntary workouts.  The Bengals maintain that they wanted Thurman to attend because of their new defensive scheme, but I don’t buy it.

It’s voluntary.  That’s why Jason Taylor has missed camp with the Dolphins to dance around on ABC and that’s why Chad Johnson hasn’t attended.  Thurman had 106 tackles his rookie season; I don’t think it’s a matter of his ability to adapt to a system.  Furthermore, the Bengals have limited themselves to a band of undersized and slow linebackers in Dhani Jones, Ahmad Brooks, and Rashad Jeanty.  Drafting Keith Rivers in the first round was a step in the right direction but cutting Thurman was a step back in the wrong direction.