As bloggers, we’ve never hesitated to lay into the Cincinnati Bengals for their awful defense and more importantly, their hilariously long criminal record. The Bengals have attempted to take out some of the trash, cutting guys like Odell Thurman. But if you wondering how serious the Bengals were about cleaning up their act, just look at the case of Chris Henry. Not only was he signed, he was actually a team captain in last night’s preseason finale against the Colts.

Now there’s several theories about what Marvin Lewis meant when he put the “C” on Chris Henry’s jersey. Perhaps it was a gesture of humiliation, similar to that shitty book “Scarlet Letter.” Perhaps the “C” means convict? Criminal? Cell block C? Crazy bastard? There’s lots of theories. But I know one thing: The only team Chris Henry is fit to lead is one from “The Longest Yard.”

Captains lead by example. While other team’s captains like Drew Brees, Peyton Manning or LaDainian Tomlinson call team meetings and show leadership, the Bengals’ captain is perhaps the most infamous scumbag in American sports. Being named a team captain, even for a preseason game, is something that should be earned. Getting suspended for countless off the field issues means you’re simply not there for your team.

Going back on a previous statement made by their coach and front office, the Bengals mde the daring move of re-signing Chris Henry today.  My immediate reaction was nothing short of ecstatic. I make no bones about being a big fan of anyone who makes the NFL and is stupid enough to get themselves arrested multiple times and be suspended by the league.  This list includes but certainly is not limited to the likes of Chris Henry, Pacman Jones, and Tank Johnson.

Before training camp opened, head coach Marvin Lewis insisted that he and his team had moved on from Henry and were ready to put him in the past.  Playeres needed to be held responsible for their actions he said, and despite Henry publicly saying he wanted to remain a Bengal, Lewis held firm in his statement, firm that is until today.

The word is that the Bengals made this signing because they are worried about depth at wide receiver.  Chad Johnson banged his shoulder up during a pre-season game and T.J. Houshmandzadeh has been battling a hamstring injury throughout camp.  That story is all fine and good, but the problem is Henry still has a four game suspension to server, so if Johnson and Houshmandzadeh find themselves hurt and unable to go week one, the Bengals will not be in any better of a situation than they were before signing Henry.

I don’t particulalry understand the signing because of that seeming Catch-22.  But just because I don’t understand it doesn’t mean im not a big fan.  This just means CHris Henry is back into the league and we have one more player who is on my watch list as I wait for them to screw up.

You would think that after all of the warnings and the suspensions handed out by commissioner Roger Goodell some people would learn. You would probably be right, unless you were also expecting Chris Henry to learn. There are reports that Henry failed a drug test, however his agent has come out publicly and denied these reports. Regardless, this is another smear on the Bengals organization.

The drug test which he took was mandated by the court and if he did fail it, he will be serving jail time. This wasn’t just a marijuana test either, Henry supposedly tested positive for opiates. This means he was likely smoking opium, or drinking some of the stuff that Terrence Kiel was slingin. I thought that went out of fashion awhile ago, but evidently Henry is just finding more and more ways to screw up his life. That eight game suspension that Henry was serving will more than likely be extended to a full season if things don’t pan out well here. He can join Pac Man Jones in sitting out for the entire year, the only difference is that Henry will be doing some of that time in jail.

Henry had a chance to turn his life around, he only had an eight game suspension, and had a chance to keep playing professional football. I assume that if he did test positive, he won’t be getting that chance again. The Bengals would be stupid if they didn’t cut him, and there is almost no doubt in my mind that further disciplinary action will be taken against him.

Pacman Jones was suspended by the NFL for one year today, and as far as I’m concerned, he probably won’t be coming back. The one year layoff will not only put Pacman out of shape, but will give him so much free time that there is no possible way he stays clean.

I predict that by tomorrow we will be running a story about how this decision is being challenged by the Players Association, but really I don’t care. This is what needs to happen. Pacman needs to be out of the league, and what better way to do it than suspend him and just wait for him to do something stupid enough as to where he can’t come back, i.e: getting shot.

Perhaps lost amongst this story is the fact that the Bengals will also take a hit from this move. Chris Henry was suspended for eight games for his off the field actions, and he, like Pacman, will probably end up shot before his suspension is over.

Both of these guys needed to pull their heads out of their asses, and this might be the only way for them to do that. The blessing in disguise for this is that maybe one of them will decide to drop a rap album ala Ron Artest. If that happens, I fully expect them to demand time off to work on promoting it. And the best news of all in this, because they’re still technically athletes, we can write about all the stupid stuff that both Jones and Henry do in their time off. I can’t wait.

I’m sure those two days in jail really served Chris Henry well. He definitely won’t be doing anything stupid anymore. I can’t believe I actually managed to finish writing out those two previous sentences.

Chris Henry is a complete moron, he shouldn’t be in the National Football League, he shouldn’t even be allowed out on the streets. I think the judge who sentenced him summed it up best when he told Henry that he had “embarrassed” himself, and countless others. And he is exactly right.

I just don’t understand how Henry has managed to get arrested four times in the last fourteen months, and the grand total of all that is a mere two days in jail. That’s not even enough time for someone to make him their bitch. That isn’t enough.

His jail time was the result of an arrest for allowing minors to drink in his hotel room. We aren’t talking about a few 20 year olds he allowed to get tanked, we’re talking about three girls, ages 18, 16, and 15. At least they’re respectable humans though, it isn’t like the 18 year old got arrested for murder. Oh wait, she did.

I guess Henry is just considering himself lucky for not having being charged with statutory rape. What I find incredibly amusing is the fact that as part of his sentencing, he now has to give speeches to local middle schools and high schools. Because those kids are really going to take him seriously, and the advice he gives is going to/ be real sincere and hit home. This guy is a fool. Can we please just get rid of the guy?