• Patriots offensive lineman Nick Kaczur will be appearing in court today to defend his arrest in April that included a drug possession charge. Kaczur, easily one of the most unique and difficult last names to pronounce in the NFL, will be arraigned on charges of OxyContin possession. Leave it to the Patriots to find guys who can’t get down and party like everyone else with a bag of hippy lettuce and instead hit the hard prescription stuff. Kaczur’s assistance in arresting his dealer after his own arrest will assuredly shorten his sentence (which is maximum a year in prison) to a slap on the wrist and a small fine.
• Only six first round picks have signed as of this morning. Is everyone aware that camp starts this week or is it just me? These signings always fall like dominoes but come on guys. Lets get everyone into camp and stop bitching about $500,000 in incentives.
• The more I look at the Minnesota Vikings, the more I see a playoff team waiting in the wings. In all seriousness, Tavaris Jackson is about the only question mark with this team (and a big one at that). The Vikes defense, which was incredible last season, added drunk driving pass rush specialist Jared Allen and the offense added the speedy services of Bernard Berrian at wide receiver. Something tells me that the Packers, with or without the retired bastard who will go unnamed, are going to get leapfrogged in this division by the Vikings.
• Surprise, Surprise, Chad Johnson is going to report to camp on time. What a waste of time this whole story has been. Remember when Chad went Kobe on Cincy and said he couldn’t play there anymore? Come on. This passing offense is one of the most prolific in the NFL and theres no way the Bengals were going to let him walk. Props to Marvin Lewis for playing hardball during the situation; we knew he wasn’t going to cave.
• Brian Urlacher and the Bears are going long term on a contract that will keep Urlacher at Soldier Field for 43 more years. While this is a good move by the Bears, they still lack any form of intelligence on the offensive side of the ball. Get ready for a year full of 13-10 and 14-9 shootouts.

After incidents involving both Elijiah Dukes and Sean Salisbury, it’s safe to conclude that threats or insults made via cell phone are the new hotness in sports. But now, a more high-profile athlete has jumped into the fun. Brian Urlacher has been accused of sending abusive text messages by the mother of his two year old son. The messages are angry, unimaginative, and of course, fun!

“Go to hell you f—— —-.”

“Grow the f— up and quit praying and get a job.”

“You’re a f—— fruit cake.”

“Your raising a little p—y.”

Considering I’ve never seen Urlacher crack a smile, this mean streak isn’t surprising. The guy has allegedly send 30 rage-filled text messages since January. Some people request a daily horoscope in their inbox each morning. Tyna Robertson has a subscription to Brian Urlacher’s anger. Of course, Urlacher’s crew is denying everything, saying Robertson has a history of “self-serving fiction.” Sounds like the perfect duo for creating new “pussy” kids.

These two have been fighting for custody of Urlacher’s son the last few months and by this report, it doesn’t look like it’s being settled nicely. And by the way, Brian, I don’t think the term “fruitcake” would apply here. After all, you slept with this stripper and got her pregnant.

What do you get when you pit two dominant athletes against a couple of skinny Asians in badminton? You get a beatdown. We hadn’t seen the commercial that AOL Fanhouse posted but it’s a good one. Ortiz and Urlacher each chug some flaxseed oil Vitamin Water before a badminton match. It transforms them into a dominant duo, ending in one of the Asian players having a shuttlecock lodged in his leg. Ridiculous. Now I see why Brian Urlacher was fined.

There’s a reason the NFL has become known as the No Fun League. The NFL is usually stingy about it’s dress code, often fining players for not having proper shoes, having socks pulled up too high, or having a jersey un-tucked. Most of these things are petty, come with a fine that acts more like a slap on the wrist, and are soon forgotten. The latest move by the NFL wasn’t exactly petty, and probably won’t be forgotten about for a long time.

Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher was fined by the NFL for wearing a hat at a Super Bowl press conference that had the advertisement of a company not endorsed or sponsored by the NFL. What was the fine for Urlacher? $100,000. No, I’m not talking about the delicious candy bar either. I don’t care who you are or what kind of money you make, $100,000 is a lot of money. It’s too much money.

Just because the NFL is butt hurt about Urlacher rocking a brand that he, along with several other athletes, endorses, doesn’t mean they should tag him with a fine that exceeds 6 digits. Wouldn’t a $10,000 fine have been enough to get the point across? It’s not like this was even during a game either, it was during a press conference. The idea that he can’t wear a specific hat because the NFL doesn’t specifically endorse it is one thing. Taking that big of a chunk out of his paycheck is another thing. Was Urlacher flipping fans off? No. Was he making stupid signs that taunted the NFL’s fine policy? No. He was wearing a hat.