There’s something more grotesque than the new Timberwolves jerseys in Minnesota.  It’s the floor they play on.  What’s up with the two toned action that they have going on there now?  It looks like a Chevy Caprice got flattened so ten guys could play hoops on it.  It’s ugly and it sucks.  But the puzzling thing is that it didn’t always suck, which leads me to believe that someone within the organization thought it’d be a good idea to change it.  That person should be fired.

I don’t normally hate going off the beaten path when we talk about changing some stuff up.  Hell, the Boston Garden floor was the coolest thing ever.  But this?  This looks like we should break out some YMCA teams and play.  Don’t take this as a suggestion; take this as a demand.  Change the floor.

What’s the best way to cover up the fact that you had two garbage time catches and were rendered entirely useless against the Dolphins?  Talk shit about their best defensive player, of course.  After getting punched in the mouth all day by Joey Porter and the Dolphins defense and hearing Porter talk about Brandon Marshall being a quitter on the offense if he doesn’t get the ball early, Marshall fired back with some ignorant shit of his own.

“Yeah, Joey Porter’s one of them guys, when you got guys who talk a lot of trash, just want to talk about people or put people down, they have their own insecurities,” Marshall said. “And his insecurities I don’t know. But he’s definitely one of those guys who all those muscles are popcorn muscles. He’s soft.”
“You know, we hear stories floating around the league all the time about him as far [as being] in nightclubs dancing with his shirt off like a girl or in the playground getting beat up back in California,” Marshall said. “He’s one of those guys that no matter how big he is, he can still get knocked on his butt and he’s soft. He’s soft at heart and you can tell by the way he talks.”
“And his nickname is ‘Peezy.’ I don’t know what ‘Peezy’ is.”

This is smart.  How about going across the middle, Brandon.  How about asking the quarterbacks who Porter has blasted 11.5 times this year if his muscles are made of popcorn.  And comparing Porter to another guy who grinds in the club without a shirt on?  That’s just low.  Maybe Marshall should spend more time concerning himself with his lackluster performance of late.  How does a guy like him go off for 18 catches in a game and then only find the rock twice in another.  We know Cutler and Marshall are butt buddies; it’s not like that diabetic hick isn’t looking to get him the ball.

I have a better idea.  Instead of popping off to the media about a guy you won’t see again this year, why don’t you concern yourself with your own team; a team that has lost three games in a row and looks like a complete disaster.

The Oakland Raiders’ cluster of a season grows more comical by the day, whether it’s a humiliating dismantling at the hands of the Oakland Raiders, or firing an up-and-coming head coach that got the most out of his shit-filled roster. But this recent move may take the cake. Various reports say the Raiders are close to cutting ties with dickhead cornerback DeAngelo Hall, their high-priced acquisition from the offseason.

Remember when Hall and Nnamdi Asomugha were going to form the most lethal cornerback duo in the AFC? Welp, Asomugha held up his end of the bargain, but Hall has been the trainwreck we knew and loved in the ATL. When he’s not racking up personal foul penalties, he’s getting pimp slapped by studs like Michael Jenkins and Eddie Royal. 

Somewhere in Atlanta, the Falcons’ brass is LOLing. Not only did they watch the Raiders throw a $70 million extension at Hall, but they got a second round pick out of the deal, a pick that will probably be in the low 30s due to Oakland’s failboat of a season. But yeah, it was Lane Kiffin’s fault, definitely. 

Even if Hall is cut, you think he gives a shit? He’s already got paid $8 million and if he’s able to hold onto his job through the offseason, he’s due another $16 million. But hey, lets be honest. Hall is the lone blemish on an offseason that included monster contracts to Javon Walker, Tommie Kelly and Gibril Wilson.

Can you imagine going to an NFL game and seeing your favorite players run onto the field with aboriginal warriors and stretch like this.  Usually guys wearing black visors over helmets and being yoked up is pretty intimidating….try having warriors with spears and swords chanting shit in another language that you can’t even understand.  Props to Deadspin for finding this video.  Insane.

Hosts: Kevin, Rich, Sonny

In this episode we take a look at the NFL after the week 9 action.  How long do we think the Tennessee TItans are going to stay undefeated?  Is Kerry Collins the real deal?  And what do we think about how the Oakland Raiders did during their performance against the Atlanta Falcons.  We throw around a few possibilities for the MVP at the halfway point in the season and we discuss what we think could happen during the second half of the season.

 

 Week 9 [21:09m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

For the Detroit Lions, the perfect season is halfway done.  They may not face a bigger trial than they faced yesterday in Chicago against a Bears team that was ready to give the Lions their first win.  And give the Lions credit; they scored 23 points in the second quarter on the road and still managed to snag defeat from the jaws of victory.  I’ll admit that I was worried.  Having the perfect season rest in the hands of Rex Grossman is not something I’m accustomed to nor is it something I would normally wish upon a team.  But Grossman proved me wrong, threw two touchdowns, and kept the perfection in tact.

Aside from Calvin Johnson putting up decent numbers for my fantasy team, I don’t think I’ve asked for too much from the Lions.  So I’ll keep it simple; mail it in.  The checks will keep coming regardless.  Stop trying and make this season a year of perfection.  I know bringing in a guy like Daunte will make the appearance that the Lions are looking to improve.  They aren’t.  If Daunte was anything close to consistent, he would have already been playing for a team that doesn’t have a zero in the win column.

Jacksonville, you’re up next.  You already screwed it up and gave the Bengals their first win of the year; don’t be that team that screws up perfection for both Cincinnati and Detroit.