by rich on March 29, 2008
Houston, We Have Permission To Launch Mediocrity: The Houston Astros were a major disappointment in 2007, finishing sixteen games below .500 but still somehow finishing fourth in the shitburger that is the NL Central. Pitching was a major issue for the Astros in 2007 so, as a remedy, they went out and acquired shortstop Miguel Tejada, a rapidly declining defender and an enormous distraction given his involvement in the Mitchell Report. Houston, we have a problem.
Bats. The aforementioned Tejada was the big splash that the Astros made over the off-season. Tejada simply can’t play shortstop anymore; he’s too old, his range isn’t what it used to be, and he’s not allowed to take juice to cover up the myriad of other problems with his game. That being said, he still knows how to hit a baseball and, given that Minute Maid Park has the dimensions of a little league field, Tejada should be able to put up respectable numbers in his first season in the National League. Next to him at third base is fat ass Ty Wiggington. Wiggington embodies the player who puts up good numbers but never does it when you are watching. He’s going to hit 20 home runs but you’ll never hear about it and I’ll never see it happen. Maybe someone is fudging his numbers a little bit in exchange for the plethora of fudge Wiggington undoubtedly keeps in his locker. [click to continue…]
by ryan on March 28, 2008
All Hands on Deck for More Losing! The Pittsburgh Pirates have a couple of things going for them. For starters, they play in a beautiful ballpark and are a franchise rich in history and glory. They also have a badass team name, which opens up tons of opportunities for Pirate puns throughout this preview. But that’s where the fun ends for the Buccos, who haven’t exceeded 75 wins in this millennium. Despite new ownership and management, this season shouldn’t be much different.
Bats. If I wanted to assemble a lineup, I would probably take the skeleton crew of The Black Pearl before this bunch of misfits. Once a franchise loaded with superstars like Barry Bonds and Andy Van Slyke, the modern-day Pirates have few players that generate much excitement. For no reason whatsoever, outfielder Jason Bay went from a rising star to a huge disappointment. After consecutive trips to the All Star Game, Bay’s batting average fell nearly 40 points to a meager .247. His power numbers also fell (35 and 109 in ‘06 to 21 and 84) randomly. At 29 years old, Bay is supposed to be entering his prime. But last year’s fall makes zero sense to anyone interested in Pirates baseball (all six of you). Outside of Bay, the closest thing this lineup has to a star is infielder Freddy Sanchez, who followed up his ‘06 batting crown with another strong season. Sanchez didn’t come close to his .344 average from that season, but he still finished a respectable .304 with a career high 11 homers and 81 RBIs.
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by rich on March 28, 2008
Royals outfielder Joey Gathright has never started a full season in the Majors. His inconsistencies at the plate have raised questions about his offensive abilities. What shouldn’t be questioned is his athleticism. While most of us are out hanging with friends playing poker or watching a movie, Gathright is in parking lots jumping cars. Yes, you read that right. This is freakish….
Of course you have to wonder whether or not this would ever come in handy in a baseball game. Well, as we found out in a spring training game, Gathright has no problem jumping over a human being either.
Props to one of our readers, Asita, for finding these gems. While I continue to fail at jumping even the smallest of cement posts outside of the local Target, Gathright is probably jumping my 1994 4Runner.Â
by rich on March 28, 2008
Big Red Machine ready to wear out cliche’ name and National League foes. A quick gaze into many pundit’s season previews reveals the Reds are a favorite to be the dark horse in the National League. Seems to me that if most people are picking them to be a dark horse, the Reds wouldn’t be much of a dark horse at all. Rather, it sounds like a case of the Mondays overzealousness to find a gem before every season starts. But fear not, Reds fans, for there is renewed hope for this franchise. Dusty Baker has brought his bag of high pitch counts, inevitable arm surgeries for pitching prospects, and discrimination against young talent to the Reds, a team in dire need of strong leadership. He should be able to build a winner with this talent-laden roster provided he doesn’t choke on the toothpick he always seems to be macking on.
Bats. Lost among the big, shiny, attention grabbing lineups of divisional rivals such as the Cubs and Brewers is a Reds lineup that is, in my opinion, the best in the division. The first aspect of this lineup that jumps out is the abundance of power. Adam Dunn is a man-child. While it’s admittedly futile for me to try and hide my affection for the corn fed who plays no defense and has minimal speed, I will boast about his power. Dunn is as reliable for 40 home runs a season as babies are to crap in diapers. His batting average, while never spectacular, rose to a respectable .264 last season. Furthermore while many Dunn critics are quick to point out his large number of strike outs (165 last season), I’d like to point out that he also drew over 100 walks last season. He’s not just a free swinger, he’s a free swinger with purpose. Making the move to right field will be my favorite player of all time, Ken Griffey Jr. Griffey Son, no longer the agile venus fly trap in center, makes the move to right for defensive reasons and longevity. Don’t sleep on Junior because, if healthy, he’s still got the sweetest swing in baseball and knows what to do with a meat pitch. Junior hit 30 home runs last season and I fail to see why he can’t duplicate those numbers this year barring him shredding his hamstring….again. Rounding out the outfield is Ryan Freel, the super utility douchebag that you love to hate because he’s the guy who comes into a three game series against your favorite team, steals a few bases, drives in a few pivotal runs, and makes a silly catch that you’d thought you would only see on a video game. Expect Freel to relenquish his duties in center as the year progresses because Jay Bruce, the Reds top prospect, will undobutedly get a shot to steal the starting job. [click to continue…]
