The trade deadline came and went and everyone’s coveted prize, Roy Halladay, didn’t go anywhere. Nevertheless, it was still a pretty active trade period, as guys like Jake Peavy, Matt Holliday and Cliff Lee all changed addresses. But Sportable recently found out about five deals that weren’t quite completed in time. Some of these may shock you.
San Diego Padres trade Brian Giles to the Boston Red Sox for a new copy of Wii Fit
The Wii Fit balance board owned by Padres closer Heath Bell has suffered far, far too long. It’s time to send it to electronics heaven with Curt Schilling’s copy of Warcraft. By trading for Giles, the Red Sox manage to acquire a wife beater to go with Pedroia’s perverted brother. And since they’re technically trading a Japanese product, that leaves just Dice-K and Big Papi as the only non-honkeys at Fenway Park.
St. Louis Cardinals trade Tony La Russa’s unused breathalyzer to the Minnesota Vikings for a Gillette Mach-3
There’s lots to like about the St. Louis Cardinals this year. Chris Carpenter is back to his dominant self, Albert Pujols and Matt Holliday are raking and Colby Rasmus has had a solid rookie campaign. What’s not acceptable is Rasmus’ pathetic excuse for a mustache. 22-year-olds should not look like pedophiles. While La Russa’s sobriety should be questioned for continuing to play Chris Duncan and/or Rick Ankiel, I figure Jared Allen could probably get more use out of his breathalyzer.
Seriously, dude?
Los Angeles Dodgers trade Jeff Weaver to Tijuana Potros for Vicodin
Lets face it. The Dodgers’ bullpen is a mess right now, thanks in part to Joe Torre’s reckless use of arms like Jonathan Broxton, Ronald Belisario and Ramon Troncoso. Even with George Sherrill now in the mix, the Dodgers are gonna need to keep their bullpen going. What better way than a trip south? Down in Mexico, it’ll be a lot easier to buy up prescription drugs than in Los Angeles. And if Jeff Weaver is kidnapped in the streets? It’s a risk worth taking.
Pittsburgh Pirates trade Roberto Clemente’s statue to the Braves for two minor leaguers
Despite an offer from the San Diego Padres for the rights to the “franchise detonation button,” the Pirates continued their overhaul by trading the last shred of their team’s identity. In return, the Pirates receive the 17-year-old daughter of Pittsburgh villain Sid Bream.
Boston Red Sox trade their high horse to the New York Yankees
See, your team was on ‘roids too! Ha!
