Hello. How about that ride in? I guess that’s why they call it the U.S. Open. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Johnny Miller, announcer for NBC Sports. You might remember me from such masterpieces as the 1973 U.S. Open, where I shot a final round 63 to steal the championship. Did you hear me, people? A 63. In the FINAL ROUND of a major. WHO DOES THAT?
Firing that 63 at Oakmont has made me a golfing GOD. Does it matter that I was never regarded as the best player in the world? Or that I only won a single major besides my glory at Oakmont? Hell no, it doesn’t. Why? Because I shot a 63. Â In the FINAL ROUND of a major
Allow me to be the first to congratulate Lucas Glover on outlasting the field to win his first major. It’s a hell of a feeling, being in this elite fraternity of major championship winners. But Lucas, lets be real here. You shot a 73 in today’s final round. That’s 10 shots worse than what I put up. You were handed the championship by Phil Mickelson. I went out there and TOOK my championship. While I admire you for not being a Eyetalian “pool cleaner” like that Rocco Mediate fella, you still can’t even shine my shoes. You know, my shoes. That I wore at Oakmont. When I shot my 63. In the FINAL ROUND of a major.
Glover did it the right way. He did it the way you have to do at the U.S. Open, when there are few birdie holes out there. He hit fairways. He hit greens. He hit putts. He won. That pussy shit ain’t my style though. I hit birdies (nine in the final round at Oakmont to be exact). THEN I hit the hotel bar and drink 63 beers, one for each stroke I used at Oakmont. How are you gonna celebrate, Lucas? By not smiling? By going to a Yankees game? Yankees suck, bro.
Unfortunately, you won’t be seeing me much until Pebble Beach next June. But for you aspiring young’ins out there that wanna lift some trophies when you’re older, just take it from ol’ Johnny. You better bust your little ass, cause 63’s don’t grow on trees. But they do grow in one place. My backyard. At Oakmont.
