In case you were sleeping under a rock for the past 24 hours, you probably missed out on Brett Favre’s latest announcement of his retirement. Make this twice in the last two years he’s retired and roughly four or five years in a row we’ve had to deal with this shit.  I turned on ESPN this morning hoping to catch some highlights of last nights overtime thriller between the Los Angeles Kings and New York Islanders but instead was treated to forty five minutes of the hour long broadcast revolving around Brett Favre. How silly of me; of course the “Worldwide Leader in Sports they want to cover” wasn’t paying attention to worthless hockey. But, as the day has gone on, it seems like the network has been overcome by the news of this retirement. A few things I noticed today…
- The damn ticker on the bottom line had its own “Favre” catergory. Okay, not only did it have an announcement of his retirement (which was done via email to the Jets, come on you classless piece of shit, at least make a phone call) but it also had speculation about Favre’s future. “He never asked for a release, so he could go to another team!!11″ Tony Kornheiser is on the phone right now trying to get a deal done with Favre and one of Kornheisers fellow bald domers, Vikings coach Brad Childress.
- College Football Live spent a segment talking about how Brett Favre changed college football. What? Are you kidding me? You must have meant how Favre was brought in to play defensive back at Southern Miss and then made a change to quarterback. Sure, he holds school records at Southern Miss…..but it’s Southern Miss. They must have been referring to the game against Tulane where Favre was so hungover he was puking before the game but still lead Southern Miss to victory. Dock Ellis thinks Favre is a pussy. And in case you were wondering, he was drafted in the second round by the Falcons and didn’t play with them because head coach Jerry Glanville said it would take a plane crash to put him into the game. WHAT A COLLEGE LEGEND.
- World class asshole Gene Wojciechowski somehow publishes filth on ESPN.com saying the NFL will never be the same without Brett Favre. Yeah, I guess Gene is right…the NFL is going to miss Favre in a few ways. Lets list them, shall we? 1. Flip flopping on retirement. Nothing screams attention whore like this annual garbage and, while the MLB has Roger Clemens to handle this, Favre shouldered the load for the NFL. We’ll definitely miss that. 2. Timely interceptions. Nobody does it like Brett does. How have his last two seasons ended? With passes being thrown right into double coverage and a defensive backs hands of course! For every game Favre led an epic comeback and single handedly won, he had at least another a few weeks down the road where he’d unleash the dragon and throw three or four blatant interceptions and cost his team the game. He lead the NFL in interceptions last season for a reason, bros, and it wasn’t because of deflections and lucky grabs. 3. Last but certainly not least, the circle jerk about grit. Nobody has as much fun playing the game and is as gritty a player as Brett Favre. The way he steps into throws and has an all around great time from games in September to Wrangler Jeans commercials in April, nobody really slings the football and plays with as much childlike nature as Brett Favre. Who throws snowballs at teammates during a playoff rout? Brett. Who makes uncanny pitches to check down backs that awe defenders? Favre. Who never misses a game because of an injury and will likely end up in a wheel chair in ten years because of it? #4.
In case you couldn’t tell…I’m real bitter about this subject. Media whores bother me, and nobody dishes out the two dollar bj’s media bait like Brett does. Hall of Famer? Absolutely. One of the greatest of our generation? No question. One of the most overhyped and overplayed people on the planet? Without a doubt. Drive safe on your way back to Alabama, or Missouri, or Mississippi, or wherever the hell you live, Brett. This time, stay there for more than just a few weeks.
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Damn here we go again with this retirement shit. I wonder how many stories and interviews are going to be done on and about him now. He is/was a good player don’t get me wrong, but he has been in the league for like 50 years so he should lead in wins, games played, passing yards, interceptions, concussions, fellatio’s…etc. you get the point. Do us all a favor and do one story on him and then lock him up at some maximum security prison so we never have to hear about him again. He can come out of retirement and quarterback in jail.