For full size of picture and reference throughout the article, look here.
An avid enthusiast of Armani Exchange suits when he’s outside of the football field and the locker room, Patriots coach Bill Belichick turns into a fashion machine once crossing into the practice facility and Gillette Stadium. Belichick defines style; taking clothes someone in a sweat shop in the Pacific labored over for minutes and tailoring them to his liking. Thats how he rolls. In the NFL, there’s no time for trends; why do you think 9ers coach Mike Nolan and Jags coach Jack Del Rio were so interested in wearing suits for a few of their games this past season? It’s all about image, and Hoodie delivers on all fronts. Lets take a look.
For Hoodie, it starts with his mop top. His ideal hair length allow for him to comb his hands through something while he grinds over film that was attained with complete legality. It allows him to say, “Hey, I might have been up all night smoking weed and figuring out one down lineman schemes for my defense just to mess with Tony Dungy’s mind, but I still have enough time and care to comb my hair and look good.” You might also be wondering if Belichick ever grows facial hair. It seems like the guy is always clean-shaved despite his offensive lineman carrying the load and growing enough facial hair for the entire coaching staff. It might get cold during the New England winter, but Belichick’s ice cold stare stops freezing temperatures before they can reach the man’s face. Lets just put it like this; Belichick’s domain is Gillette Stadium. Enough said. On to his namesake, the hoodie.
Belichick’s hoodie is a fashion statement in itself. Undershirt? Hell no. Belichick’s precise cut on each sleeve with the safety scissors in his desk drawer provide for ample air flow into his chiseled chest while he instructs Tom Brady on the proper way to execute the three-step drop. You might also be asking yourself what that monogram is on the front of the hoodie. BB? Are we talking about walks in baseball? Is he a bat boy? No…that’s just the man’s initials. Personalized, pretty sick huh? That way when the equipment guys are doin’ laundry, they know whose hoodie is Belichick’s (not that the cut off sleeves and eternal smell of the manliest cologne alive wouldn’t have already given it away).
How sick are his shorts? Do they even have pockets? Probably not. Who needs pockets. He’s got his weapons armed in each hand; a play sheet and a whistle. Practice is the ship and Belichick is steering it. You know, at one time those shorts were pants. F**k pants. Belichick doesn’t even have time for a camera man, you think he has time for pants? Absolutely not. What he did instead was went to those same trusty safety scissors that he stashed in his desk and cut the living crap out of the pants. Just above the knee? Just right.
Finally, his shoes. The devices that make the living legend comfortable with each and every step. Notice how high those socks go? That’s because Belichick has outsmarted the Nike turf that covers the practice field. When the choice comes down to picking the small black pieces of rubber that cover the field from his socks or devising a new blitz scheme that involves both safeties and a corner back, Hoodie chooses the latter. His socks go way too high for that rubber to even compete. Probably the most effective part of Hoodie’s wardrobe, however, are his shoes. His shoes scream business with a sleek black look and Velcro adjustment. No laces, no problem. You may wonder if Hoodie even knows how to tie a knot. Why don’t you ask the Miami Dolphins, a team Hoodie ties in a knot twice a year. Or maybe the Bills would be so inclined to answer the question. All I know is, if the knot comes undone, it’s not going to be Hoodie tripping and falling over it.
There you have it, a complete review of Bill Belichick’s fashion statement. Rest assured, once Sunday rolls around, Belichick might look like he just woke up from a four day nap. Don’t be confused, he’s ready to beat your team into submission until you cry for mercy.