6:03 P.M. Coming into this one, I heavily doubted Arizona State’s ability to hang with the high-octane offense of Texas. Those doubts were quickly realized. The Longhorns’ 21 points in the 1st quarter are a new Holiday Bowl record, breaking the previous mark set by SMU in the 1980 Holiday Bowl. They mustered 19 points against the Stormin’ Mormons of BYU.

6:05 P.M. Arizona State has actually sustained a possession. They find themselves inside the Texas 20 yard line. I saw countless Beer Pong games in the parking lot before the game. Given the way ASU came out of the gates, I figure they were playing as well.

6:07 P.M. Again, the Sun Devils shoot themselves in the foot. Quarterback Rudy Carpenter is destroyed from his blindside on 3rd and 11. As he went down, he unleashed a hideous backwards pass that was recovered by the Horns.

6:09 P.M. I always knew Mack Brown was a dumbass, but I didn’t think his idiocy spread through his entire coaching staff. As Carpenter’s backwards pass squirmed towards the Texas sidelines, a Longhorns assistant attempted to pick up the ball. The ball appeared to have went off his hands and probably kept it from going out of bounds. What the hell? The refs will attempt to sort this mess out.

6:11 P.M. The referee’s decision just saved ASU. Instead of a fumble, an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty has been called on Texas. Instead of the Longhorns’ getting possession in ASU territory, Arizona State has a 1st down inside the Texas 10. This is karma, Mack. Keep your players and coaching staff under control.

6:14 P.M. It’s Steve Bartman II. If this game turns around, that poor guy is dead.

6:16 P.M. Touchdown ASU! Carpenter to Chris McGaha. We suddenly have a ball game.

6:20 P.M. The ball boy’s name is Chris. He’s dead.

6:21 P.M. Texas goes three and out, with the drive culminating in a great hit by linebacker Robert James. Can we nominate “Chris” for the Pontiac Game Changing Performance?

6:24 P.M. I just noticed Texas didn’t bring their mascot, Bevo, to San Diego this year. If Bevo was around, Chris would already be trampled.

6:28 P.M. ASU decides to cash in on that momentum and go for it on 4th down. The idea is good. The result? Not so much. Rudy Carpenter throws a hideous pass to tight end Brent Miller, who can’t come down with it. 1st down…Longhorns.

6:30 P.M. Texas gets ready to punt…faaaaaaake!1!! Nice job by Texas to prevent ASU from getting any more momentum. Longhorns have a 1st down and they’ve now advanced into ASU territory after a personal foul.

6:33 P.M. There’s been a fun little development in the “Chris” saga. It turns out he’s Mack Brown’s stepson. That, my friends, is hilarious. Mack probably didn’t like Chris to begin with. Now that the guy is getting 15 yard penalties, there’ll be downright hatred.

6 :36 P.M. Another personal foul puts Texas in scoring territory. They make no mistake, as Colt McCoy runs it in from nine yards out. A nine play drive covers 69 yards for Texas. Want a good way to kill momentum? Two personal fouls and a fake punt will do just that.

6:43 P.M. With a stoppage of play on the field, a gang of Texas fans decides it’s a good idea to go into the ASU section and taunt. Things get thrown at them and security rushes to break up a minor brawl. Unfortunately, this took place at the opposite side of the stadium.

6:50 P.M. With just over two minutes left in the first half, ASU has a chance to seize a little momentum back before the break. They’re doing everything in their power to not seize that momentum, as a muffed punt by sophomore Kyle Williams nearly ends the drive before it starts.

6:53 P.M. Where in the hell is Keegan Herring? After losing a fumble early on, Herring hasn’t touched the ball. I’m sure Dennis Erickson is concerned about turnovers. But I’d more concerned about keeping one of your best playmakers off the field. Dimitri Nance is simpy not as good.

6:55 P.M. ASU’s drive is about as successful as the Bay of Pigs Invasion. After reaching midfield, Texas drops Rudy Carpenter on his ass two straight plays. They’ll punt it away. In sticking with the ASU pattern, I’m expecting disaster on the snap.

6:56 P.M. The snap is nice, but the return defense isn’t. Texas’ Quan Cosby (best name ever) returns it 21 yards to his own 45. Texas will have just over a minute to put some points on the board.

6:57 P.M. What the hell was that, McCoy? As he was being sacked, McCoy did his best Aaron Brooks impersonation and flipped the ball backwards. Suddenly, it’s Erickson’s boys that have a chance to score. ASU ball on the 15.

7:00 P.M. A trio of Rudy Carpenter incomplete passes forces ASU to settle for 3. Texas leads 28-10. Any time there’s points scored at Qualcomm Stadium, a large cannon is shot off in the corner of an end zone. A long-haired Asian hasn’t seemed to figure that out yet. Every time the cannon goes off, he jumps out of his seat.

7:04 P.M. The half finally comes to a close. We’ll be back with you in the 3rd quarter to recap the festivities.